Subspace & Topspace: Understanding the BDSM High (And Why It’s Not What You Think)

The altered states of consciousness nobody warns you about—and why experiencing “the flying feeling” might be the most vulnerable you’ve ever been.

🌀 26 min read | Neurologically fascinating | Psychologically intense | Safety-critical | Mind-expanding

You’re in the middle of a scene. Your wrists are bound. Your Dominant is working you over with a flogger, paddle, their hands—doesn’t matter what. The rhythm is hypnotic. The pain stopped being pain five minutes ago and became… something else. Something warm and fuzzy and distant.

Your mind starts to drift. Everything feels far away. Your body is still here, still feeling sensations, but you—the thinking, worrying, planning part of you—is somewhere else entirely. Floating. Flying. Dissolving into pure sensation.

Time stops making sense. Are you five minutes in? Thirty? An hour? You have no idea. Words become hard. Thinking becomes impossible. All that exists is this moment, these sensations, this person. You feel completely safe and completely vulnerable at the same time.

When the scene ends, you can’t quite articulate what just happened. You try to explain: “I went somewhere.” “I was floating.” “It was like… flying?” Your partner nods, understanding, because they’ve been there too—or they’ve watched someone go there and recognized the signs.

Welcome to subspace. The altered state of consciousness that’s part meditation, part drug trip, part transcendence—and completely achievable without substances.

But here’s what nobody tells you: Subspace isn’t just “feeling really good during BDSM.” It’s a genuine neurological event with measurable brain changes. It’s intensely vulnerable. It can be emotionally overwhelming. And if your partner doesn’t know how to recognize it and care for you through it, it can be dangerous.

This article is about understanding these altered states—not just subspace, but topspace too (yes, Dominants experience their own version). About what’s happening in your brain when you “go under.” About how to recognize when someone’s entered these states. And most importantly, about how to keep everyone safe when consciousness gets… weird.

Because once you understand what these states are, BDSM stops being just physically intense and becomes transcendent.

What Is Subspace? (The Science Behind “Flying”)

Let’s start with the basics: Subspace is an altered state of consciousness that submissives can enter during intense BDSM scenes.

But that clinical definition doesn’t capture what it feels like. People describe it as:

“Like being drunk but more clear”
“Floating outside my body”
“Time stopped existing”
“I couldn’t form words but I felt everything”
“Complete peace and surrender”
“Like meditation times a thousand”
“My brain turned off and only sensation remained”
“I felt like I was dissolving into the universe”
“Pure, overwhelming bliss”
“The most present I’ve ever been while also being completely gone”

These descriptions sound mystical. New-agey. Like people are exaggerating. But they’re not—and science backs them up.

The Neuroscience: What’s Actually Happening in Your Brain

During intense BDSM scenes, your brain undergoes measurable chemical and electrical changes. Here’s what’s happening:

Endorphin Flood
Your brain releases massive amounts of endorphins—your body’s natural opioids. These are the same chemicals released during intense exercise (“runner’s high”). During peak BDSM scenes, endorphin levels can be 300-400% above baseline. This creates euphoria, reduces pain perception, and generates feelings of profound wellbeing.

Adrenaline & Norepinephrine Surge
Your sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive. Heart rate increases. Breathing changes. You become hyperalert to sensations. This creates the intensity and focus characteristic of early-stage scenes.

Dopamine Release
The reward pathway lights up. Everything feels intensely pleasurable. This chemical is why BDSM can feel addictive—your brain is getting a massive dopamine hit.

Oxytocin Increase
The bonding hormone floods your system. This is why you feel so connected to your partner during and after scenes. Oxytocin creates trust, attachment, and emotional intimacy.

Prefrontal Cortex Suppression
This is the big one. Brain imaging studies show that during intense BDSM, activity in the prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for decision-making, self-awareness, and verbal processing—decreases dramatically. This is why you can’t think clearly or form words. Your executive function is literally offline.

What does this combination create?

A state that’s neurologically similar to:

Deep meditation (same prefrontal cortex suppression)
Flow state (complete absorption in present moment)
Hypnosis (heightened suggestibility, altered perception)
Psychedelic experiences (ego dissolution, time distortion—but without drugs)
Runner’s high (endorphin-driven euphoria)

Fascinating research: A 2013 study by Sagarin et al. measured cortisol, testosterone, and relationship closeness before and after BDSM scenes. They found that cortisol (stress hormone) dropped significantly, particularly in submissives who reported entering subspace. Meanwhile, feelings of relationship closeness increased dramatically in both partners.

Translation: Subspace is a measurable altered state with real neurochemical changes. It’s not “just in your head”—well, it is, but literally. Your brain is operating differently.

The Stages of Subspace

Subspace typically progresses through stages. Not everyone experiences all of them, and the intensity varies wildly between people and scenes.

Stage 1: The Warm-Up (0-10 minutes)

You’re fully present and verbal
Pain feels like pain
You can negotiate and communicate clearly
Your thinking brain is still online
You’re focused but not yet “gone”

Stage 2: The Shift (10-20 minutes)

Pain starts transforming into sensation
Time perception begins distorting
Talking becomes slightly harder
You become more focused on sensation than thought
A feeling of “letting go” emerges
Your awareness narrows to just you and your partner

Stage 3: Deep Subspace (20+ minutes, if achieved)

Non-verbal or minimally verbal (single words, not sentences)
Pain doesn’t register as pain anymore—it’s just intensity
Time stops making sense
Ego boundaries soften (“I” becomes less defined)
Profound sense of safety and surrender
You might cry, laugh, or make sounds without knowing why
Physically present but mentally “somewhere else”
Total trust and vulnerability
Possible dissociation or out-of-body feelings

Stage 4: Peak/Transcendent Subspace (rare)

Complete ego dissolution
No sense of separate self
Can’t speak at all
May not remember parts of the scene afterward
Described as spiritual or transcendent experiences
Some people report visual or auditory phenomena
Complete surrender and peace

Important note: Not everyone reaches deep subspace. Some people never do. Some reach it occasionally. Some reach it every scene. None of these are “better” or “worse.” Subspace isn’t a requirement for good BDSM. It’s an experience that can happen, not a goal you must achieve.

Also important: Deep subspace is where the danger lives. When someone is this far gone, they can’t advocate for themselves. They might not feel injuries. They can’t use safewords effectively. They’re completely dependent on their Dominant to keep them safe. This is massive responsibility.

What Triggers Subspace?

Subspace doesn’t happen automatically. Certain conditions make it more likely:

Intensity over time: The longer the scene, the more likely. Most people need at least 20-30 minutes of consistent stimulation.
Rhythmic repetition: Consistent, predictable sensations (rhythmic flogging, spanking, etc.) induce trance-like states faster than random patterns.
Pain/sensation threshold: Pushing past your comfort zone into that edge space between pain and pleasure.
Trust: You can’t “let go” with someone you don’t trust. Subspace requires surrender, and surrender requires safety.
Sensory focus: Blindfolds and other sensory modifications help by reducing external stimuli, allowing you to focus inward.
Power exchange: The psychological element of submission itself—knowing someone else is in control—helps your brain “turn off” its control centers.
Exhaustion: Physical tiredness from impact, bondage stress positions, or intense activity helps break down mental barriers.
Headspace: Being mentally prepared and willing to surrender. You can’t force it or rush it.

Interesting fact: Some people are more prone to subspace than others. Research suggests that people with high hypnotic suggestibility, strong meditation practices, or history with flow states may enter subspace more easily. It’s a neurological predisposition, not a measure of how “good” you are at submission.

“Subspace isn’t about how much pain you can take or how obedient you are. It’s a neurological event—a specific cocktail of brain chemicals creating an altered state. Some people’s brains make this cocktail easily. Others need very specific conditions. Neither is superior. They’re just different.”

— Dr. Gloria Brame, Different Loving

Recognizing Subspace: For Dominants

If you’re the Dominant/Top, you need to recognize when your partner enters subspace. Because once they’re there, the responsibility for their safety rests entirely on you.

They can’t advocate for themselves anymore. They might not feel injuries. They might say “yes” to things they’ll regret later. They might push themselves past safe limits because their pain perception is altered and their judgment is impaired.

You’re not just in control of the scene. You’re in control of their entire wellbeing.

The Signs: How to Tell They’ve “Gone Under”

Physical signs:

Eyes: Glassy, unfocused, or half-closed. The “thousand-yard stare.” Pupils often dilated.
Body language: Goes limp or completely relaxed. Tension melts away. They might sway if standing.
Breathing: Changes from controlled to deep, slow, rhythmic breathing. Almost meditative.
Facial expression: Peaceful. Blissful. Sometimes they smile without realizing it. Slack jaw.
Response to pain: Stops flinching or tensing against impact. May make sounds but not pull away.
Skin: Flushed, warm. Sometimes sweating increases.
Movement: Becomes slower, more fluid. If in bondage, they stop struggling or adjusting position.

Verbal/communication signs:

Speech slows down: Takes longer to respond to questions.
Vocabulary shrinks: Goes from full sentences to single words. “Yes.” “More.” “Please.”
May go completely non-verbal: Only moans, sighs, or sounds—no actual words.
Repetitive responses: Might just keep saying “yes” or “thank you” over and over.
Delayed processing: You ask “What’s your color?” and it takes 10 seconds for them to answer.
Loss of coherence: If they do speak, sentences don’t quite make sense.

Behavioral signs:

Increased compliance: Stops negotiating or resisting. Will do anything you ask.
Emotional release: Might start crying (happy tears, release tears) or laughing without clear cause.
Seeking connection: Tries to get closer to you physically. Nuzzles, leans into touch.
Time distortion: If you ask later, they can’t tell you how long the scene lasted.
Memory gaps: Might not remember entire sections of the scene afterward.

The test: Ask them a question that requires thought. “What’s 7 + 8?” or “What did you have for breakfast?” If they struggle to answer basic questions, they’re deep in subspace and their cognitive function is impaired.

What to DO When You Recognize Subspace

Immediate adjustments:

1. Increase check-ins
From every 10 minutes to every 2-3 minutes. “What’s your color?” “Can you feel your hands?” “Are you okay?”

2. Switch to yes/no questions
Their verbal processing is impaired. Instead of “How are you feeling?” ask “Are you okay?” They can nod or shake their head.

3. Slow down intensity
Don’t increase intensity when they’re in deep subspace. They won’t feel injuries the same way. Maintain or decrease.

4. Monitor for dangerous compliance
People in subspace will often agree to anything. “Do you want me to keep going?” “Yes.” “Even if it hurts?” “Yes.” This isn’t informed consent anymore—their judgment is impaired.

5. Check circulation/bondage
They might not notice if restraints are too tight or if they’re losing feeling in extremities. You check for them.

6. Maintain physical contact
A hand on their shoulder, back, head. Constant gentle touch keeps them grounded and connected.

7. Use verbal reassurance
“You’re doing so well.” “I’ve got you.” “You’re safe.” They need to hear your voice even if they can’t respond.

8. Watch for distress
Subspace isn’t always blissful. Sometimes people dissociate in scary ways. Watch for signs of panic, terror, or extreme distress. If you see them, stop the scene immediately.

Critical safety rule: When someone is in deep subspace, you are their safeword. They might not be able to use theirs effectively. You need to recognize when they’ve had enough and stop the scene even if they’re saying “yes” to more.

Example: You’ve been doing impact play for 30 minutes. Your partner is clearly deep in subspace—non-verbal, glassy-eyed, completely compliant. You ask “Do you want more?” They nod yes. But you notice their skin is very red, they’re starting to shake, and they’ve stopped tracking your movements with their eyes. This is when YOU stop the scene. Their “yes” isn’t reliable consent anymore—it’s subspace talking.

Bringing Someone Out of Subspace Safely

You can’t just end the scene and walk away. Bringing someone out of subspace is a gradual process.

The proper exit:

Gradual decrease in intensity: Don’t just stop suddenly. Wind down over 5-10 minutes. Hard impact → soft impact → gentle touch → stillness.
Verbal signals: “We’re finishing now.” “The scene is ending.” “Come back to me.” Give their brain time to process the shift.
Remove restraints slowly: Give them time to adjust. Sudden freedom can be disorienting.
Keep them lying down: Don’t make them stand up immediately. They might be dizzy, weak, or uncoordinated.
Cover them with a blanket: Body temperature often drops. Warmth helps them return to baseline.
Stay close: Constant physical contact. Hold them, stroke their hair, keep a hand on them.
Hydration: Water. Immediately. Their body just went through a marathon.
Sugar: Chocolate, juice, candy. Blood sugar drops during intense scenes. Quick carbs help.
Give them time: It can take 10-20 minutes to fully “come back.” Don’t rush.
Check in verbally: “Can you tell me your name?” “What day is it?” “How many fingers am I holding up?” Test their cognitive function as it returns.

What NOT to do:

Immediately get up and leave them alone
Start cleaning up or checking your phone
Turn on bright lights suddenly
Make them walk or move before they’re ready
Ask complex questions or expect detailed conversations
Rush them back to “normal”
Joke about how “out of it” they were
Start discussing non-scene topics (“What’s for dinner?”)

Real talk: Bringing someone out of deep subspace is like being a pilot landing a plane. You don’t just cut the engines and hope for the best. You gradually decrease altitude. You check your instruments. You communicate with the tower. You bring it down gently, carefully, with full attention. That’s aftercare for subspace.

“When someone gives you the gift of their subspace—their complete vulnerability, their altered consciousness, their total trust—you are holding something precious and fragile. Handle it with the reverence it deserves. Because once they come back, they’ll remember how you treated them when they were most defenseless. That memory will either deepen trust or destroy it.”

— Midori, Wild Side Sex

Topspace: The Dominant’s Altered State

Here’s what most people don’t know: Dominants experience their own version of altered consciousness during scenes.

It’s different from subspace—less “floating” and more “laser focus”—but it’s just as real and just as neurologically measurable.

What Topspace Feels Like

Dominants describe topspace as:

“Hyperaware of everything”
“Time slows down—I can track every detail”
“Feeling powerful and confident beyond normal”
“Complete flow state—every action feels perfect”
“Watching myself from outside while also being completely present”
“Intense clarity and purpose”
“A rush that’s better than any drug”
“Feeling like a god/goddess”
“Complete control over everything”
“Pure focus—nothing else exists but this scene”

The neurochemistry is different but related:

Adrenaline and norepinephrine stay high (unlike subs, where they drop)
Dopamine floods the system (reward for successful dominance)
Testosterone often increases (in all genders—it’s associated with dominance behaviors)
Prefrontal cortex activity increases (opposite of subs—Doms need executive function online)
Oxytocin releases (bonding happens for both roles)
Endorphins rise (though not to the same degree as submissives)

This creates a state of:

Heightened awareness and focus
Increased confidence and power
Flow state (complete absorption in activity)
Enhanced perception (noticing every subtle reaction)
Feeling of control and mastery
Intense pleasure from partner’s responses
Time distortion (though different from sub’s experience)

The Dark Side of Topspace

Topspace has risks that people don’t talk about:

1. Overconfidence

When you feel invincible and in total control, you might:

Push boundaries further than negotiated
Ignore warning signs from your partner
Believe you can’t make mistakes
Forget to check in as frequently
Overestimate your partner’s tolerance

2. Empathy Reduction

Neuroscience shows that dominance behaviors can temporarily reduce empathy circuits. You’re so focused on the scene that you might:

Not notice when your partner is genuinely distressed versus “good” distressed
Become emotionally distant
See them as an object for your pleasure rather than a person
Miss subtle non-verbal safewords

3. Loss of Self-Awareness

Ironically, while you’re hyperaware of your partner, you might lose track of yourself:

Forget to monitor your own physical state (exhaustion, injury)
Not realize you’re going too hard
Ignore your own limits
Become someone you don’t recognize

4. The God Complex

Some Dominants become addicted to the feeling of topspace—the power, the control, the rush. They start:

Prioritizing their high over partner’s safety
Extending scenes longer than healthy
Confusing scene dynamics with real-life relationships
Believing they’re actually superior rather than playing a role

The solution: Grounding techniques

Experienced Dominants use mental tricks to stay grounded while in topspace:

Set timer alarms: Your phone buzzes every 5 minutes to remind you to check in
Mental checklist: “Color? Circulation? Breathing? Hydration?” Run through it repeatedly
Physical reminder: Some wear a specific bracelet or item during scenes to remind them they’re in a role
Verbal grounding: Say their name out loud. “Sarah, what’s your color?” Reminds you they’re a person
Slow down on purpose: When you feel the urge to escalate, deliberately pause instead
Check your own body: “Am I breathing? Am I tense? Am I in control of myself?”

Topspace Aftercare (For Dominants)

Just like subs crash from endorphins, Dominants crash from adrenaline. This is topdrop, and it’s brutal.

What Dominants need after intense scenes:

Physical care: Water, food, rest. You burned energy too.
Emotional processing: Space to talk about what you felt during the scene
Reassurance from sub: “You didn’t hurt me. I loved it. Thank you for taking care of me.”
Validation: Acknowledgment that dominating is hard work
Permission to be vulnerable: You don’t have to stay “in role” during aftercare
Physical comfort: Let your partner hold you, comfort you, care for you

Critical: If you’re a Dominant who never needs aftercare, who never crashes, who can just walk away from scenes feeling fine? You might be suppressing something. Most people experience some form of comedown. If you don’t, explore why. Therapy can help.

“Topspace is powerful and seductive. It feels amazing to have that level of control and focus. But it’s also where bad Dominants are made—when they chase the high without maintaining the responsibility. Good Dominants learn to enjoy topspace while staying grounded in the reality that they’re holding someone’s wellbeing in their hands.”

— Jay Wiseman, SM 101

When Altered States Go Wrong

Not all altered states are blissful. Sometimes subspace or topspace becomes scary, dangerous, or traumatic. Here’s what can go wrong and how to handle it.

Bad Subspace: Dissociation vs. Transcendence

There’s a difference between good subspace (peaceful, blissful, connected) and dissociation (scary, disconnected, traumatic).

Signs of healthy subspace:

Peaceful facial expression
Still responsive to their name
Body relaxed
Still present in the moment (even if non-verbal)
Coming back feels gradual and comfortable

Signs of dissociation/traumatic subspace:

Thousand-yard stare (eyes open but nobody home)
Complete non-responsiveness—not even to their name
Body rigid or frozen
Expression of fear or terror
Completely unreachable
Coming back involves panic, confusion, or distress

If you see signs of dissociation:

STOP THE SCENE IMMEDIATELY

1. Remove all restraints carefully
2. Cover them with a blanket
3. Speak calmly: “You’re safe. The scene is over. I’m here.”
4. Don’t touch unless they indicate it’s okay—ask first
5. Help them ground: “Tell me five things you can see. Four things you can touch.”
6. Stay calm yourself—your energy affects theirs
7. Give them time and space to come back
8. Once they’re back, discuss what happened
9. Consider whether you should continue BDSM together, or if professional help is needed

Important: Dissociation during BDSM can indicate past trauma being triggered. This isn’t something you can “scene through.” This requires professional therapeutic support. Don’t try to be their therapist.

When Dominants Lose Control

Sometimes topspace leads to genuine loss of control—the Dominant goes too far, can’t stop, or becomes someone they don’t recognize.

Warning signs a Dominant is losing control:

Ignoring safewords
Escalating beyond negotiated activities
Becoming verbally abusive (outside negotiated humiliation)
Can’t stop even when they know they should
Enjoying causing actual harm (not scene-harm, real harm)
Afterwards, feeling disturbed by their own behavior
Pattern of “accidents” where boundaries get crossed

If you’re a Dominant and this happens to you:

Stop scening immediately until you address this with a therapist
Talk to your partner honestly about what happened
Take responsibility without making excuses
Seek professional help—kink-aware therapist or BDSM educator
Consider whether you should be in the Dominant role at all, or if you need extensive training first

Hard truth: Not everyone is suited to be a Dominant. If you consistently lose control, you’re putting people at risk. The ethical choice is to step back.

Final Thoughts: Respecting the Sacred

Subspace and topspace are sacred. I don’t use that word lightly.

These states represent moments of complete vulnerability and complete power. Moments where people access parts of consciousness they rarely touch. Moments that can be transcendent, healing, and transformative—or traumatic if handled poorly.

When someone enters subspace with you, they’re trusting you with their entire being. When you enter topspace, you’re accepting massive responsibility for another person’s wellbeing. Neither should be taken lightly.

So here’s my ask: Educate yourself. Learn to recognize these states. Practice safe care. Don’t chase the high without accepting the responsibility. And remember—you’re not just playing with bodies. You’re playing with consciousness, psychology, neurochemistry, and trust.

Handle with reverence.

Altered states aren’t party tricks or bragging rights. They’re profound experiences that require preparation, awareness, and aftercare. Treat them with the respect they deserve, and they’ll give you access to depths of experience most people never reach.

Explore deeper:
→ Advanced Aftercare for Deep Subspace
→ Trauma-Informed BDSM Practices
→ When to Stop: Recognizing Genuine Distress
→ The Psychology of Power Exchange